What to do with Sadness ~ Maundy Thursday and Good Friday

28 Thursday Mar 2013

Posted by Catherine Lawton in confessing our need, emotional needs, God's healing love, the healing journey

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Christian spirituality, Courage to be honest, Emotional and spiritual healing, Good Friday, Holy Week, Maundy Thursday, Passion Week

William Blake’s Holy Thursday (1794)

“Holy Week” (the week before Easter when we remember the last, painful days of Jesus’ life) was not a term I grew up hearing a lot. In our family and church we celebrated the joy of Palm Sunday and the victory of Easter Sunday. But we didn’t have Maundy Thursday or Good Friday services. We often sang, “I serve a risen savior, He’s in the world today” and I’m thankful for that heritage. Yes, the cross was sung about and preached about as well. My preacher dad would call people to repentance and faith based on Jesus’ finished work on the cross. And all during the year we sang rousing hymns and gospel songs about the power of the cross and the blood. But Easter week was altogether a joyous experience of colored eggs, new dresses, choir songs, and the biggest church attendance of the year!

Mother directed the choir’s Easter Cantata that always had a song or two about the sadness and suffering leading up to Easter. But we didn’t dwell there long. At the same time, in our personal lives I think we didn’t really know what to do with the emotion of sadness. In those inexplicable moments when a weight of sadness came over you and threatened to smother you, what did you do? You smothered it back! Maybe you had “a good cry” in private then put on a brave face and smiled for the family, the world, and the church. That’s what I saw my mother do.

I’m thankful for the legacy she gave me of loving God, loving people, choosing to be an over-comer. And truly, “the joy of the Lord is our strength.” And that joy is a fountain that wells up from deep inside as a result of the presence and work of Christ in us through his Holy Spirit. But I have learned by experience—and from the saints of old—that that joy is greater and purer and fresher when we allow periodic remembrance and identification with the sadness and suffering of Passion Week. The very word “passion” means “suffering.” Over a decade ago Mel Gibson’s movie, The Passion of the Christ, brought this truth to the fore. In the past twenty years liturgy and observance of the church calendar have come back into many churches, and I find this enriches my Christian faith and experience. For instance, observing Maundy Thursday and Good Friday helps me know what to do with times of sadness.

Holy Week reminds me that Jesus was “a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief” (Isaiah 53:3). In the Garden of Gethsemane he said, “My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death” (Matthew 26:38). He experienced sadness and sorrow to the depths, for me.

Whatever the source of my sadness …

sorrow for my sins and the suffering they caused my Lord.
waves of grief and sadness over personal losses, such as losing my mother at a young age.
sadness in the face of the cruelties, tragedies, and injustices I see people oppressed by.

… during Holy Week I am reminded of what to do with this “weight of sorrow,” these tears: bring them to Jesus …

See him kneeling in the garden, overwhelmed with sorrow, in anguished prayer and sweating drops of blood.
See him enduring the cruelest injustice, ridicule, and inflicted pain.
See him hanging on the cross agonizing, bleeding, and dying, because of my sins.

I can allow my occasional sadness to help me identify with Jesus, the man of sorrows. Then, when the resurrected Lord wipes those tears from my eyes, what JOY!

It’s Not too Late to Forgive

21 Thursday Mar 2013

Posted by ardisanelson in confessing our need, leaving a legacy, letting go of anger, reconciliation, the healing journey

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Courage to be honest, Emotional and spiritual healing, Forgiveness, Healing love

Ardis with her dad soon before his death

Like a scab ripped from the skin, my wound was exposed again. Why would I deliberately enter into that wound again? How could I think that it was really healed? A recent post, “I Forgive You,” by Catherine Lawton was the catalyst that prompted me to take another look. That, and the fact that I spent Holy Week last year caring for my 93-year-old father, sent my mind back to the months preceding his death.

Catherine’s post reminded me of how the words and actions of forgiveness were not something that was modeled to me when I was growing up. Tears weren’t allowed either. We were taught to ‘buck it up’ and move on. Reading that post took me back to the letter I had written my father a year before he died. My grief at that time was still fresh from my mother’s passing, and my healing was making me bold in things of the heart. After reading Catherine’s post I pulled out that year-old letter.

Re-reading the letter to my father brought the pain of the wound to the surface. Tears overcame me as I read the words I had penned to him about my inner healing. I knew he had worried about me in the past, concerned that I would develop mental illness like my mother. He had told me that he was ‘watching me’ for signs. So I wrote the letter to reassure him that I was okay.

I’ll share a part of the letter to hopefully inspire others to forgive their parents. I sent this letter with no expectations from him in return. I just wrote what I felt the Lord laid on my heart to tell him:

“I won’t know all God’s purposes until I am in Heaven, too. But here on this earth and in this time, I have received incredible healing and much peace…. That is what I want for you, Dad. I thought it was important for you to know that Mom forgave you [before she died]. I want you to know that I forgive you also. I know you did the best you could under the circumstances. Even if you do have regrets about any of these family things, I know that, as a Smith,* it would be incredibly difficult for you to admit it. We Smiths always think we are so right. I guess if I had one regret in my upbringing it would be that I didn’t learn how to forgive others and to say “I’m sorry.” Those words would’ve helped me let go of so much of my anger and resentments years ago…

“…It’s not too late for you, Dad. You can do this. You can release all your ‘rightness’ and no-regrets thinking to the Lord. You can leave this family with a legacy of forgiveness. I hope and pray the Lord will bless you and keep you in His love for all your remaining days.

“I love you.

“Ardis”

My father never mentioned this letter to me or anything that was in it, but my stepmother told me he read and re-read it many times. I believe it sank into his heart, bridged the distance between us, and eventually gave him the ability to go in peace. Risking his rejection and ridicule by expressing my heart was worth it.

How about you? Is there someone to whom you need to say “I forgive you” while there is still time?

~ Ardis A. Nelson

*Surname changed to protect family privacy.

Exaggerated Memories

13 Wednesday Mar 2013

Posted by Catherine Lawton in emotional needs, forgiving mom, Learning to appreciate Mom, losing mom too soon, the healing journey

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authentic relationship, Courage to be honest, Grief Loss and Bereavement

In The Secret Life of Bees, the girl Lily deals with feelings of guilt, anger, and forsakenness after her mother’s death. At the end of the story she says:

“I keep my mother’s things on a special shelf in my room…. The feeling that they are holy objects is already starting to wear off…. In the photograph by my bed my mother is perpetually smiling on me. I guess I have forgiven us both, although sometimes in the night my dreams will take me back to the sadness, and I have to wake up and forgive us again.” (from The Secret Life of Bees, p. 301)

After a loved one dies we tend to idealize that person. In our minds we exaggerate their positive qualities and minimize—maybe for a while we even forget—their negative qualities. I knew a mother whose young son died in a Boy Scout hiking accident. Even after ten years she hadn’t moved anything in his bedroom. And no one else was allowed in there. That space, his things, and those memories were sacrosanct.

At the beginning of The Secret Life of Bees Lily treats the few things she has left that belonged to her mother as holy objects, buried secretly in a treasure box. By the end of the book Lily keeps these objects on a shelf like other possessions, and she is even beginning to let her friends touch them.

In the book, Motherless Daughters, author Hope Edelman says, “Like anger, idealization is a normal and useful early response to loss. Focusing on a mother’s good traits reaffirms the importance of her presence, and processing the happy side of a relationship is a gentle way to activate mourning. But every human relationship is affected by ambivalence, every mother an amalgam of the good and the bad” (p. 19). Ms. Edelman explains that if we are to mourn our mothers fully, we need to look back and “acknowledge the flip sides of perfection and love.” Otherwise we will be remembering our mothers as only half of what they were, and even ending up mourning a caricature, not the person who was your mother.

My mother died young, before I had matured in my understanding of her and ability to relate to her. I was stuck in my needy grief as long as I memorialized her in my mind as perfect, almost hallowed. Coming to remember, love, and appreciate my mother as a multi-faceted, even flawed woman (albeit one who loved a perfectly loving and holy God) has helped me move through the grief to a place where I can live and love much more freely.

~ Catherine Lawton

“I Forgive You”

07 Thursday Mar 2013

Posted by Catherine Lawton in childhood memories, confessing our need, forgiving mom, God's healing love, letting go of anger, the healing journey

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authentic relationship, Courage to be honest, Forgiveness, Jesus, Lent, relationships, unresolved hurt

(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

In every close relationship we can get our feelings hurt. At those times—when we hurt each other in big and small ways—two little words make a huge difference: “I’m sorry.” Have you said “I’m sorry” recently to your best friend? to your spouse? to your child? to your parent?

Then a sweet, healing balm is applied to the wound when three simple but powerful words are spoken back: “I forgive you.”

Nine Women Tell their Stories of Forgiveness & Healing … That’s the subtitle of our book, and for good reason. Healing and forgiveness go together. In fact, I can confidently say that relational healing won’t happen without forgiveness.

Forgiveness is the turning point in all the stories in Journeys to Mother Love.

During this season of Lent, I am going to meditate on the forgiveness provided for me by Jesus on the cross. He forgave freely, unconditionally, forever. Jesus was mocked, misunderstood, abused, rejected. Yet he said, “Father, forgive them.”

He was despised and rejected … a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering…. Surely he took up our infirmities and carried our sorrows … and by his wounds we are healed (Isaiah 53: 3-6)

(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Can we not bring our offenses, hurts, and rejections to Jesus?

Because Jesus forgives, we must. Because he did, we can.

Forgive. Then live in a heart attitude of forgiveness. Slights, rejections, offenses will come—sometimes unexpectedly, catching us off-guard. I’m asking the Lord to help me recognize those feelings when they come, then help me give the offense and the feelings to Jesus immediately. He knows my thoughts and feelings already. I can simply let it go. In faith. With love. Because there are much bigger things at stake than my hurt feelings. Because it’s so much more important how the Lord sees me than how others see me. Because he gave his life and shed his precious blood so that forgiveness could happen. Because fellowship, relationship, wholeness are so important to the Lord and so wonderful to experience.

I realize some wounds are so deep we hardly know how to face them, how to deal with them, or even exactly what or who we need to forgive. Perhaps the other person is not saying “I’m sorry.” But our unforgiving spirit is causing us pain and keeping us from a life of joyful wholeness.

As a child I heard my preacher father give the sermon illustration of a festering boil, full of pus and painful to touch. Such a sore place causes misery and anguish until you are willing to have it lanced open and drained of the poisonous, pressuring pus. Or what about a person who had a broken arm that wasn’t set properly and grew together wrong, awkward and painful? It must be re-broken and set properly so it can knit together in harmony and heal, so the arm will move freely without pain.

I don’t want to let poisonous reactions, angry pressure, out-of-kilter attitudes, or pus-like resentment fester in my soul and cause anguish in my relationships.

Lord, give me the grace to say and mean, “I forgive you.”

~Catherine Lawton

A Letter to my Mom

01 Friday Mar 2013

Posted by ardisanelson in God's healing love, Learning to appreciate Mom, leaving a legacy, mother wounds, show love by serving

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Emotional and spiritual healing, Finding our identity, giving and receiving, life and death, Modeling the faith

Ardis with her mother on the first trip she describes in her story, “Walking my Mother Home” in Journeys to Mother Love

Reading each of the stories in “Journeys to Mother Love” gave me a glimpse into the lives and pain of eight other women who have allowed Christ to bring healing into their hearts. I love reading stories like these because they impart hope and inspiration that each of us can connect with or apply to our lives.

One of my takeaways was from the story written by Verna Hills Simms, “Take Care of Your Mother.” I was touched by how she writes a letter to her deceased mother every year on her mother’s birthday. I thought it was a wonderful idea, and decided to do the same thing. With the anniversary of my mother’s passing a few weeks ago, I chose to do it in honor of that occasion.

Dear Mom,

It has been two years since the day the Lord took you home to be with Him. I still marvel how God perfectly orchestrated the events leading up to your death and the identity revelations He gave me as a result. I know you have been watching all of these things from above. I sense your overwhelming joy at how I have embraced the parts of me that mirror your personality and faith in the Lord.

After you passed away, it was hard for me to adapt and internalize all of the changes. I look back now and can hardly recognize the person I was before. Rosa and Pedro are a regular part of my life now. It is like I have found a long lost sister, and adopted Pedro as a son. I will finally meet Rosa face to face in Spain this summer. I know you will be there with me in spirit too.

I know you are at peace where you are. I delight in the thought that Carmen, Rosa’s mother, was waiting with open arms to meet you there as well. Your family expanded in heaven the day you died as mine did here on earth with Rosa and Pedro.

Mom, I know the months, weeks and days that passed after your stroke must’ve seemed like an eternity to you, not being able to speak, to feed yourself and needing total care just for routine bodily functions. I wish I could’ve helped more and been by your side more than just those few visits. I wanted you to know that those visits were so special to me—to be able to dote on you and help care for you like you did for me over fifty years ago when I was young. I know you loved me and did all you could for me.

Your suffering was for a purpose as it gave me an opportunity to see myself as God sees me and eliminated my fears related to your mental illness. That was not the legacy the Lord destined for you to hand down to me. I am mentally healthy now. And the Lord has helped me to embrace your sensitivity and faith as the legacies I want to impart to others.

Thank you, Mom, for your sacrifices and your final gift of unconditional love. I look forward to the day we are reunited in eternity.

Love,
Ardis

~ Ardis Nelson

Godly Marriage- The Hope of Society

24 Sunday Feb 2013

Posted by kyleen228 in generational patterns, leaving a legacy, the healing journey

≈ 1 Comment

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Divorce, Marriage

My husband and I have become avid believers that the world’s way of “doing marriage” is just not working. The divorce rate is testimony to this fact. Having both been divorced before, we have seen first hand the consequences. While we are deeply in love and grateful for each other, we can both testify that divorce is not God’s first and best plan.

It was a Family Life Weekend To Remember marriage retreat that brought this home to me. For the first time in my life, I saw God’s design for marriage contrasted against the world’s way. I was asked the question, “What if God’s purpose for your marriage isn’t your personal happiness?” Wait a minute, I thought, but isn’t that what marriage is about—feeling loved and being in love? I was supposed to live happily ever after, right? That is what I had believed for as long as I could remember. But the really radical idea presented to me was that God is way more concerned about my character than my personal happiness and comfort. Marriage and the relationship I have with my husband is God’s heavenly sandpaper, designed to smooth off my rough edges and confront my selfishness. And, for many of us, God’s sandpaper isn’t a fine grade but the roughest, hardest grit available. It hurts!

Even more profound, however, was the truth that my marriage matters for generations. The legacy my husband and I leave in our marriage to our children will impact them and their children and their children. Will we teach them what it means to have commitment, to be a team, to love unconditionally through good and bad times? Will we model for them what it means to forgive? Will we give them the security of knowing home is a refuge not a war zone so they can grow up feeling safe? Will we teach them what it means to have a healthy relationship? We both failed in this task once, but we are determined to not fail a second time!

If as Bill Hybles writes, “The church is the hope of the world,” then surely a godly marriage is the hope of our society!

~ Kyleen Stevenson-Braxton

Mother’s Chocolate Cake

21 Thursday Feb 2013

Posted by Catherine Lawton in childhood memories, leaving a legacy

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Chocolate cake, Family traditions, mother and grandmother, Recipe, Valentines

On Valentine’s I always think of chocolate. This year I’m making my mother’s favorite chocolate cake. It’s a treasured family tradition/recipe.

As a busy pastor’s wife Mother often found herself entertaining on the spur of the moment. Sometimes she needed to bake a quick dessert and she found she was out of cake mixes, eggs and/or shortening. That’s when she pulled out the old stand-by recipe for “Chocolate Mayonnaise Cake” passed down from her mother-in-law.

I still make this recipe and now my daughter does. It’s easy to mix in one bowl, always turns out moist, and is sure to please. Since I moved to the mile-high state of Colorado I’ve adjusted the sea-level recipe for high altitude. I’ll give the high-altitude measurements in parentheses:

Mother’s Chocolate Mayonnaise Cake

Grease cake pan(s). Heat oven to 375º. Mix all ingredients together in a bowl:

1¼ (1) cup sugar

2 cups flour

3 (4½) tablespoons Cocoa (I use more cocoa than my mother and grandmother did.)

2 (1¼) teaspoons soda

1 cup water

1 (1¼) cup real mayonnaise

1-2 teaspoon vanilla

Beat well then pour into one oblong pan or two layer pans and bake for 25 min (or until toothpick comes out clean).

Good with buttercream frosting. Sometimes we just dust it with powdered sugar.

Enjoy!

~ Catherine Lawton

Photo by Will Echols on Unsplash

A Friendship Born in Sorrow

06 Wednesday Feb 2013

Posted by ardisanelson in encouraging each other, God's healing love, importance of prayer, reach out and touch, show love by serving, the healing journey

≈ 8 Comments

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a heart filled with love and hope, authentic relationship, Emotional and spiritual healing, friendship, future hope, Prayer

Rosa

As mentioned in my story, “Walking My Mother Home,” during the time I was walking through healing in my relationship with my mother I developed a long-distance friendship with Rosa, who lives in Spain. Rosa’s mother, Carmen, passed away a few weeks before my mother. The connection with Rosa led me, a Protestant, to a Catholic Church to pray on bended knee and release my mother to the Lord. It was at this exact time that Carmen’s funeral was proceeding in Spain.

Rosa’s and my relationship was born out of sorrow, nurtured by prayer, and sealed in love. It was perfectly timed to help me heal the void and loss in my heart caused by never really knowing my mother as a person and not being able to have a relationship with her. Her death brought out a lot of feelings and the Lord has been faithful to heal and give me a fresh start.

Rosa, though, was close to her mother. Two years later, Rosa is still grieving the loss of her mother, Carmen, who was a significant part of Rosa’s life. Carmen was the family matriarch, surrounded by a large Catholic family that loved her. The loss was great not only for Rosa, but for Rosa’s father and the rest of the family as well. While my burden is light, Rosa’s is still heavy at times as she alternates live-in care giving with her sister for their aging father. One way or another, life goes on for both of us.

My relationship with Rosa has become a beautiful testimony to the legacy of mother love and of the Lord’s love for us. Our lives intersected in a painful and poignant way. When I first heard of her mother’s terminal illness, I knew God wanted me to come alongside Rosa in her grief. It was not easy to be so vulnerable with her—someone I never met, who lived 5,300 miles away, spoke a different language and belonged to the faith (my mother’s faith) that I had turned my back on many years ago. I feared rejection. Yet God called me out of my comfort zone to extend a heart of compassion to her. And I’m glad I did!

~ Ardis A. Nelson

Facing Demons from the Past

04 Monday Feb 2013

Posted by Catherine Lawton in emotional needs, God's healing love, the healing journey

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Courage to be honest, Emotional and spiritual healing

These women have faced demons from the past and challenges of the present by opening themselves to God’s grace…

This comment came from Shirley Brosius, author and speaker with Friends of the Heart ministry, after she read Journeys to Mother Love.

You can read the rest of Shirley’s review on her blog: http://www.shirleybrosius.blogspot.com/2013/02/book-review-journeys-to-mother-love.html

I appreciate Shirley’s words. Yes, “demons from our past” can haunt us, hinder us, hobble us. And like a shadow in the dark the memories and trauma of those demons of the past can appear larger than life and still have more power over us than we can understand.

I remember thinking when I was in my thirties, “How could I still be thinking every day about this thing that happened to me when I was four years old? Why does it have such power over me even now; why do I still feel the fear, the shame?”

The power those demons from the past had over me—and others who share their stories in Journeys to Mother Love—is gone now. And Shirley is right about that too. Freedom came when we opened ourselves to God’s healing grace.

~ Catherine Lawton

PRAYING FORWARD

01 Friday Feb 2013

Posted by arcecil in encouraging each other, generations coming together, God as our parent, importance of prayer, leaving a legacy, Parenting, the healing journey

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Abraham, Family, future hope, God the Father, Jesus Christ, Praying for our children

More and more people are interested in their family trees. I believe that’s because we are searching for an identity. Of course, we want our search to reveal an amazing individual or two that we can claim. Perhaps, we can find a great-many-times-over-grandmother or grandfather, who wowed the world by stitching the first flag, signing the Declaration of Independence, or inventing the light bulb. If we found such persons, we would be interested in reading their biographies because we would want to know them on a personal level.

But we would probably find a few skeletons in their closets. Sin and falling short are in all our stories, since we were all born into the family tree of Adam. However, a new tree grew up out of the soil of humanity! This tree is called the Family of God Tree. The trunk is Jesus and the roots are the promises of salvation and justification that were made to Abraham (Romans 4:16). Through belief in Jesus, we are branches that were cut from that first tree and grafted into the new tree. Our roots no longer go back to Adam!

We are no longer as interested in finding an amazing person in history; our main interest is in the person of Jesus Christ and our personal relationship with him. That being said, there is still a desire to search in our family tree. Now, we search for a different reason. Who among the members of our personal family tree had a relationship with God through Jesus Christ? The answer to this question is important, because, through their faith, they were instrumental in grafting us into the Family of God Tree.

Mothers (and fathers) may pray for their children, grandchildren and all the future, unborn children in their family lines. When we carry on this sacred tradition, we are praying forward all the future generations. A prayer of this nature can read, “Dear heavenly Father, may our children and grandchildren be protected in their youth; may they grow to know, love, and serve you. May they marry godly men and women and raise their children to know, love, and serve you.”

There were many mothers and fathers praying for us between Abraham and us. In fact, Abraham was praying for us! He prayed for all his children, all those stars in the sky (Genesis 22:17), and each believer is one of them (Galatians 3:7)! In heaven, there will be a great family reunion. We will know those persons, who prayed for us. Besides seeing them, we will see the faceless, nameless children who will come after us. They will then be known to us, and we will be known to them.

There is a family identity for all those whose faith roots go back to Abraham. God is our Father and our identity is found in the Promise Fulfilled, Jesus Christ.

~ Alice Cecil

Moms Need to Laugh

26 Saturday Jan 2013

Posted by Catherine Lawton in challenges of motherhood, encouraging each other, Parenting

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Family, Home, Humour, MOPS, Mother

(Photo credit: withrow)

Nothing quite compares to cuddling your newborn baby – such a miracle – or receiving the sweet, wet kisses of a toddling two-year-old. But Mothering young children, day in and day out, can be overwhelming. And that’s only the beginning. Mothers carry their children in their hearts the rest of their lives. And life can get serious. Once in a while a mom needs some comic relief. Laughter is good medicine!

So I want to share with you a little video of my friend Loretta Oakes and her speaking partner, Robbie Iobst, sharing songs for mommies at their MOPS* presentation. Loretta says, “If you’re a mom, you’ll get it!” You can watch the Youtube video here:

Watch Mommy Nursery Rhyme Video

Keep a sense of humor, Moms!

~ Catherine Lawton

*Moms of Preschoolers

A Yarn about Love

20 Sunday Jan 2013

Posted by Catherine Lawton in losing mom too soon, the healing journey

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a heart filled with love and hope, life and death, mother and daughter, Prayer

Mother was not expected to live much longer. But she never spoke of death. She kept knitting Christmas presents and making plans to see all her family.

One day I took her to the hospital for cancer treatments, and a nurse told her about a good place to buy yarn at the woolen mills nearby. Mother wanted me to take her there.

“Are you sure you feel up to it?” I knew car rides were painful for her.

“Yes. Let’s go now while we’re out and I have the energy.”

“So we set off in my old Volvo through crowded and confusing city streets. At one point we found ourselves driving in circles. Mother held her sides as she laughed. If it hurt, she didn’t let on.

At the factory store, we found wool yarns dyed in every imaginable hue. Mother exclaimed over the colors and textures. “I get excited just thinking about new projects. Knitting is fun because each pattern is a new challenge. I’d love to make these sweaters.”

She thumbed through a pattern book, then replaced it on the rack. “After I finish the afghan I’m working on now, I’ll knit for the grandchildren.” Her tone indicated there would be plenty of time.

Inspired by Mother’s enthusiasm, I selected a basket full of yarns. Waiting in line to pay for them, I glanced at Mother. She stood near the woolen fabrics. A cloud seemed to have crossed over her. She was frowning. How tired she looked, how thin, how old (cancer had done that, though she was only 48 years old).

The joy of my purchase vanished. Leaving the shopping cart, I walked over to her. “Mother, here’s a chair. Why don’t you sit down?”

“I think I will. I guess I should have taken a pain pill this morning, but I hoped I could get by without it.”

Returning to the cashier’s line, I thought, What are we doing here? Suddenly I resented the whole scene: bustling shoppers, busy clerks, long lines. What is the purpose of all this? I made my purchase and walked Mother to the car, sadly realizing time with her was coming to an end.

Later I watched Mother as she sat knitting a ski cap for my sister. I knew she often prayed as she knitted. The long blue plastic needles kept crossing and interlocking the loops of green and white yarn. In a similar way her prayers were connecting link upon link of loving requests to the heart of God on behalf of those she loved.

She died about two months later. Mother loved life and held to it as long as she could. But even more she loved God and the people He put into her life. That love enabled her to endure, believe, and hope to the last.

~ Catherine Lawton

p.s. This true story first appeared in the book, My Turn to Care, compiled by Marlene Bagnull. First published by Thomas Nelson in 1994, it was reprinted by Ampelos Press. In 2012 the book was re-released by OakTara.

p.p.s. It is still hard for me to read and share these memories of my mother’s suffering and my loss of her when I was in my twenties. God has done so much deep healing in me through the years. Yet sadness can still wash over me and I long to see her. I know she’s completely free and whole and joyous with Jesus. As I get older I don’t want to spend too much time looking back, but keep looking forward in hope and anticipation.

The Formula for Happiness

08 Tuesday Jan 2013

Posted by arcecil in the healing journey

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It has been said: “A mother is only as happy as her saddest child.” I understand this statement; but I resolve to fight against it. Why? Doesn’t such an attitude reveal a loving and connected heart? I think the tugs in a mother’s heart are very real and very loving. I have them all the time, and I only have four children. (I know a woman who has nine children!) My four children are in good places in their lives; but if I gave into the above statement, I would constantly ride a roller-coaster of emotion—up one day, down the next—as one or another of them hits a snag. And would riding the roller-coaster with them be helpful to them?

When my children were teenagers, I realized their main goal in life was not my happiness. In fact, they seemed to be oblivious to the words of a refrigerator magnet, which read: “If Mama’s not happy, nobody is.” So, the obvious answer to this chicken-and-egg dilemma would seem to be: “Okay, kids! Now, here’s the scoop. Everybody needs to get happy, so Mama can be happy. And when she’s happy, you’ll be happy, too. Okay? Got it?”

We all know the above approach is not going to fly, because it flies in the face of the natural order of leadership. Our children need to be freed up by the witness of our no-matter-the-circumstance happiness. (The circumstance we may need to conquer may be the fact that our children will periodically experience unpleasant circumstances!) To that end I offer this mathematical formula:

a=our imperfections
b=trust in the Lord
c=obedience
d=grace, which is greater than “a”

Therefore, “d” takes “a” out of the equation, which leaves “b+c.”

Of course, as Christians, we carry each others burdens. We also pray for one another, which will satisfy “b.” And we help in whatever way the Lord lays on our hearts, which will satisfy “c.” Our personal relationship with God will send an important, new message: “Okay, kids! Here’s the scoop. Everybody’s in charge of his or her own happiness, and there is only One Way to get there. Okay? Got it? Good! Now, go with it!”

When we live out the above equation, our children will see the result, which is:

May we all resolve to live the abundant life in Christ this New Year. And to that end, I will close by wishing each and everyone of you a Happy New Year!

A POEM from a MOTHER’S HEART on a SNOWY DAY

26 Wednesday Dec 2012

Posted by Catherine Lawton in confessing our need, God's healing love, the healing journey

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a soft and yielded heart, snow for Christmas

Snow-Frozen-Pond

Snow-sky Snow-birds

FOOTPRINTS IN THE SNOW

Gently fall—

holy crystals,

Son-pure;

cleanse this clay.

So white

the whitest things

of earth

look gray.

So bright

the hidden corners

of my soul

His lights display.

So soft

His footsteps can

impress my heart

and show the Way.

~ Catherine Lawton

MY BEST CHILDHOOD CHRISTMAS MEMORY

20 Thursday Dec 2012

Posted by arcecil in childhood memories, family gatherings, the healing journey

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

Christmas Eve, Family traditions, Mother, mother and daughter, White Christmas

“La pie – The magpie” by Monet

On that Christmas Eve, my little sister, six years younger than I, had been sent off to bed. She went gladly, since she thought Santa wouldn’t come until she was asleep. I wasn’t a bit jealous that I wouldn’t have sugar plums dancing in my head; I got to stay up and help bring the presents out of hiding and place them around the tree. My other two siblings, full-fledged teenagers, were watching Perry Como’s Christmas Special in the den.

Mother, Father and I did a good job of displaying the gifts and filling the stockings. “I’m Dreaming of a White Christmas” could be heard from the room down the hall.

“Are we going to get snow for Christmas?” I asked.

“They’re saying we might get a dusting,” Mom replied.

Soon my father, who had worked all day, retired for the night; and Mom returned to the kitchen to take care of a few last details for our traditional Christmas-morning breakfast. I hung around the tree, soaking in the magic of colored lights, cedar scent, gifts wrapped in Christmas motif paper and tied with ribbon that curled (as a result of being run along the blade of a pair of scissors).

(Curled Ribbon on a Present)

The evening began to draw to a close when Mom reappeared from around the dining room wall and asked, “I’m going to midnight church. Do you want to go?”

Since Mom did not drive, I knew going along meant walking a half mile in the cold. But, it didn’t seem right that she should go alone. “Sure,” I responded.

We pulled on boots and bundled up in as many layers as we could wear and still be able to walk. Then we headed out. The cold sky was starless and the moon fought to show itself, as a blanket of clouds moved across it. We trudged along with only the sparsely-placed light posts to illuminate our way. About half-way on our journey, snow began to fall. By the time we reached the church doors, the grass could still be seen, bristling through the new-fallen snow, but the sidewalks were only wet, since every flake dissolved upon impact. True to the weatherman’s word, we were getting a dusting.

(People walking in snow)

The church was warm, candle-lit, and filled with the sweet sounds of a choir that must have been as close as human beings can get to angelic hosts. By the time we emerged from the church, the landscape was completely transformed. The grass was covered over with three good inches and every tree branch was lined with white. The storm had come and gone, resulting in a starlit sky and a moon that no longer played second fiddle to the clouds. The dark and ill-defined landscape was illuminated, as if every neighbor had turned on their yard lights for us.

Mom and I walked down the long sidewalk and were about to cross the street, when a neighbor rolled down his car window and shouted, “Want a ride!?”

To my absolute amazement and total delight, Mom called back, “No, thank you!” Then she looked at me and smiled. I smiled back in response to her gift.

On that early Christmas morning, Mom and I walked home in the perfectly set stage of a winter wonderland; and I received a gift—my best childhood Christmas memory and my best memory with my mother.

~ A.R. Cecil