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Journeys To Mother Love

~ Encouragement and healing in mother/child relationships

Journeys To Mother Love

Category Archives: challenges of motherhood

THE BLESSING COMES BACK

31 Sunday Mar 2013

Posted by arcecil in challenges of motherhood, Parenting, the healing journey

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

kids leaving home, letting go, life stages, Mothering

"Songs of Innocence"

A hand-colored illustration by William Blake to accompany his poem “Songs of Innocence,” published in 1789

(A Poem)

Naively, I thought that the innocent babe in my arms
would always be mine to hold.
The child who ran to me with an injured knee
was completely content to receive my comfort.
I thought that I had all the answers.
Now I cling to the memory of that window of time
when I was able to show you a mother’s
humble attempt at sharing love, values, and beliefs.

In your mind, you have closed childhood’s door. As a result,
you are a million miles away.
It seems as if I cannot reach you.
All my words bounce back to me,
like balls in a game.
Are you playing games with me now
that you are taller than me?
Your contemplative silence feels like a game to me.

In your adulthood, you have become someone else.
Who is this person, who stands before me?
I—who bore you, fed you, trained you—
shouldn’t I have some say?
But, here you stand before me; you are your own person.
And I must wonder: other than bringing you
into the world and helping you grow physically,
what role did I play?

The circumstances of your life moved you
many miles away.
I cannot hug you.
Every day I wonder: What are you doing?
Who are you meeting? Helping?
Where is your life taking you?
Did you think this through
when you let distance determine our destinies?
Do you, like me, reminisce about the good ole days when we
lived in sweet simplicity?

You stand before me; you are a fully-orbed individual.
Your thoughts are laid out for me
like building blocks of all that is noble and true.
Your heart pours out with rivers of love,
which are far greater than the stream
that was mine to give.
I am blessed beyond measure to be your mother.

~ Alice Cecil

(Note: The narrator is one of many mothers who knows God’s grace on her journey.)

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Moms Need to Laugh

26 Saturday Jan 2013

Posted by Catherine Lawton in challenges of motherhood, encouraging each other, Parenting

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Tags

Family, Home, Humour, MOPS, Mother

laughter

(Photo credit: withrow)

Nothing quite compares to cuddling your newborn baby – such a miracle – or receiving the sweet, wet kisses of a toddling two-year-old. But Mothering young children, day in and day out, can be overwhelming. And that’s only the beginning. Mothers carry their children in their hearts the rest of their lives. And life can get serious. Once in a while a mom needs some comic relief. Laughter is good medicine!

So I want to share with you a little video of my friend Loretta Oakes and her speaking partner, Robbie Iobst, sharing songs for mommies at their MOPS* presentation. Loretta says, “If you’re a mom, you’ll get it!” You can watch the Youtube video here:

Watch Mommy Nursery Rhyme Video

Keep a sense of humor, Moms!

~ Catherine Lawton

*Moms of Preschoolers

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Toxic Mother Love?

14 Wednesday Nov 2012

Posted by Catherine Lawton in challenges of motherhood, confessing our need, encouraging each other, the healing journey

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Tags

Courage to be honest, Forgiving yourself, Healing love, letting go, Mothering, no false guilt or shame, Parenting

"Mothers Can't Be Everywhere, But God Is"

Mother love is powerful; but is it always healthy? Love does indeed cover a multitude of sins; but are they covered by my flawed, though well-intentioned love, or only by God’s agape kind of love?

Jewel, the mother in Bret Lott’s novel of the same name, maintains throughout the story that if only she loved her little Down’s Syndrome daughter enough she would be better. Sadly, her love was not enough. Her insistence on her misguided mission caused her to unwittingly neglect the rest of her family.

What is commonly celebrated as mother love is sometimes, albeit unconsciously, quite toxic. This toxic love doesn’t cover a multitude of sins, but it only covers over a crippling dysfunction that may result in some kind of pathology that later emerges in the children’s lives, and that produces guilt and failure in the mother. Mothers often grapple with guilt that pins them down instead of embracing God’s grace—a light and easy companion that lifts us to live out of His love alone.

Alice Scott-Ferguson wrote these words in her book, Mothers Can’t Be Everywhere, But God Is. Alice is an author and speaker who wrote an endorsement for Journeys to Mother Love. Her heart for mothers motivates much of her ministry. She encourages mothers of all ages to look to Christ as their source of strength and to give up the burdens of either perfectionism or guilt.

Not all of us, or our mothers, have mothered with toxic love. But we might find ourselves in that place of dysfunction, at least at times. Alice adds, “The God who runs the universe can take care of your children and loves them beyond the fiercest mother love. May you be filled with hope and joy as you trust God who wants you to live every aspect of your life—and mothering is no exception—from the life of Christ within as you walk in His rest.”

As a mother, have you carried a burden of either perfectionism in your mothering or guilt over the way you did raise your children? We can lay down those burdens and begin to walk in new freedom and joy.

~ Catherine Lawton

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Much Ado about Nothing but Love

05 Monday Nov 2012

Posted by Christina in challenges of motherhood, the healing journey

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

Family, motherly instincts, Parenting

Image

I was worried. I was going to have Baby #2. But how could I possibly love another child like my first?

I had a two-year-old girl who had changed my life. I stopped working full time so I could stay home with her and take care of her. She got a lot of undivided attention! My parents moved close by from out of state to be near this red-haired baby. We mysteriously got more out-of-town visitors after we had a baby, too. My husband accepted a new job right around the time of her birth which brought in a better income and included insurance coverage for the family. Our whole world had changed.

Now there was to be a boy. How was I going to love him as much as my girl? Would she feel left out when I had a newborn to take care of? Would she feel just as loved as before? Would I be able to split my motherly love between two?

My second baby was so different from his sister. He was actually a much easier newborn. He slept through the night much sooner and was a happy baby. No wonder – he had lots of attention and help from his sister! He is a boy – and people have commented many times that he is ALL BOY! And our girl is quite the girly girl who likes best to wear glittery dresses and high-heeled shoes. She is artistic and creative and can always come up with ideas for what to do. She just loves to be with people. She uses great vocabulary words and can express herself very well. Our boy loves to dig in the sandbox and play with Legos and cars and trucks. Basically, he loves to be physical. Even now, I had to take a give-him-attention break to keep him from climbing all over me. But the most important thing to me? Our kids play well together. They love each other and they express it openly by saying so.

My kids know that I love them. I make a point to be sure that they know that – with hugs and kisses, with spending one-on-one time with them, making healthy dinners, reading together, saying prayers together, and going on walks, etc. If my parenting skills fall short, I will apologize and remind them that I love them. Even though I know there’s room for improvement on my part, they should feel pretty secure about that!

Of course, my anxiety was all for naught. For I found, that instead of needing to split my love between the two, God just made my heart grow bigger!

~Christina

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APRON STRINGS & WINGS

03 Wednesday Oct 2012

Posted by arcecil in challenges of motherhood, leaving a legacy, the healing journey

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Tags

Family, Modeling the faith, Praying for our children, spirituality

(Photo: C. Lawton)

 

Many years ago when my children were playing about my feet, I wrote in my journal, “The desire of my heart is that my children live happy and full lives.” I thought of all the ways in which they could be nurtured so that they would have wings one day. I could encourage them, help them develop their talents, discipline them and pray for them. Then I realized one of the most important things I could do for my children was to model a happy and full life. In many regards, this last idea seemed like the most challenging of all the ideas I had that day.

As my children would need help on their journeys, I too have needed Someone to nurture me. There is a scripture that holds the answer: “Repent and be baptized, everyone of you, in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins. And you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit. The promise is for you and your children and for all who are far off—for whom the Lord will call” (Acts 2:38-39).

(Photo: C. Lawton)

We are able to live out the best-possible legacy for our children because, as Christians, our sins have been forgiven! Our past sins can be the weight we pull behind us. Thinking on them can result in unhappiness. And as we have been forgiven, we are to forgive. If we don’t forgive those injustices that have been committed against us, that will become the weight we pull. We are forgiven and we are enabled by God to forgive. This then becomes the undergriding for a happy life with wings.

The second sentence tells us by entering in, we receive the Holy Spirit. He is the One who nurtures us. The Holy Spirit spoke to me that day when, after writing the journal entry, I realized the importance of modeling a happy and full life for my children. The work of the Holy Spirit refines our thinking, sifting out all those lies that make for unhappiness. He also helps us develop our spiritual gifts. Then our children can see a mom who is happy as she uses her talents for the benefit of others (Matthew 25:14-30).

Lastly, the above scripture directly links us with our children, for the scripture says: “The promise is for you and your children…” The promises God has given to us are more readily realized in the lives of our children when they are able to witness them in a mom who has embraced them. We cannot fake happiness; our children are great detectors of anything fake. We will never be perfect moms. (To project ourselves in such a way is to create another kind of burden!) But by the day-to-day, slow-and-steady work of the Lord in our lives, we can be moms who are able to give our children apron strings when they are needed, and who are then able to give them wings when the time comes. They can be confident in their ability to grow wings because their mom has a pair.

~ A.R. Cecil

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“Letting Go” of Your Child

29 Saturday Sep 2012

Posted by Catherine Lawton in challenges of motherhood, the healing journey

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

kids leaving home, letting go, motherly instincts, smother love

mother watching kids board school bus

Sending your child out into the big world can be scary. If you had a mother who was over-protective, or who was mostly absent, you may struggle to find a good parental balance as your own children grow and their world expands.

“Letting go” is a challenge. Fortunately, from birth to adulthood, we let go a little at a time. When you hold your newborn in your arms, you can’t yet imagine letting him play in the backyard. When he’s a toddler under your watchful eye, you can’t yet imagine sending him down the street on a bicycle. When he’s riding the bus to elementary school, you can’t yet imagine letting him drive a car to high school. When she starts high school and still needs parental boundaries, it’s hard to imagine sending her to college hundreds of miles from home. Each step in the “letting go” process can come surprisingly easy when the right time arrives! But looking ahead can overwhelm our motherly instincts. Each step brings a mixture of emotions for mom: pride in your child’s progress and accomplishments; concern for him as his world and influences widen; and your own emotions involved in releasing her. Our children will grow and “go.” The alternative isn’t very acceptable, having them stay dependent on us. So we might as well “let go.” But doing it with grace takes preparation, prayer, and perhaps a sense of humor.

When I sent my first child to kindergarten, I felt pride in his readiness; but I admit, I shed a few tears. I dealt with the feelings in my typical way — by writing a poem. I dug out that poem today to share with you:

First Day of School

Big Yellow School Bus
Why are you in such a rush
To take my little boy away
To his first school day?

Wake ‘im up, “Get out of bed,”
Make sure both his socks are red;
Eggs and toast, butter and honey,
Forty cents milk money.

Hair combed, teeth brushed;
Out the door ready to rush;
Stopping to kiss me the same way
He’s watched his dad do each day.

I’m glad to see him take this step
With such eagerness and pep;
But, School Bus, as you’re drawing near,
Will you overlook one tear?

Where’s the tot trailing yellow blankie,
Blue eyes smiling up at me?—
He is still my pride and joy,
Big Little School boy.

© Catherine Lawton

Maybe your child is stepping into a new milestone of her life. How does it make you feel? Do you find it hard to “let go”? Why is it hard, do you think? Was your mother a good role model for you in this process? What helps you the most at these times?

~ Catherine Lawton

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    • The Imperfect Job of Mothering
    • Storing Away Christmas ~ THE GOD BOX
    • Who Am I?
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    • Sharing our Stories in Community
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    • A Journey to Brother Love, Part 2
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    • Grandma’s Apron
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